The thoughts saut to consume me

    wow its been a long time since i wrote in this thing, but i guess its about time to spill out what ive been going through. Ever since i left Fremont I've missed my friends like crazy and cared deeply for them. Well a few years later i went to one of their football games and what one of my old close friend asked me just broke my heart and shattered my world. she tole me "your Justin right?", wow you would really think that if i cared so much for them at leastthey would return it but i guess not. They've al forgotten me and our friendships but i haven't ever nor will i ever forget the best friend that gave me my best years of my life.
    Well now that I have that to deal with theres even more. I have these dreams...well not even really dreams becuase ive had the same dream so many times i na row now it seems to be an absolute true to me now. In my dream all i do is float in endless darkness with little voices telling me things like "this what u have to look forward too" or "there is no one here your all alone". Im guessing the voice is my concience or perhaps God but i doubt it, God has never listened to me. I know what the dream finally means. I have to live my life alone. I've come to learn that sooner or later everyone i get close to will leave me. then it'll be just like im floating alone in the dark.
    Another thing i have to deal with is that i have to see so many unworthy people be happy with someone else when they don't deserive it. they could be complet assholes and yet their happy with someone and seeing this always makes an ache in my heart becuase i know im a good person a deserive to have someone and not them. So then why do these people get to be so happy with someone and me alone? I wish i knew the answer myself....*sigh* If everything has to happen for a reason then why does this misory have to fall on me.it just makes me sick to see so many people that should have to suffer and don't for who they are and what kind of human being they are.