Holy shit, so it has been three years since I've last updated this thing. Basicly the evolution of blogging has gone, Mindsay, Xzanga (however its spelled), Myspace, and Facebook. This is probably why I haven't been on for so many years. Well since I bitched about everything three years ago, I mid as well bitch again.
What has happened...hmmm well high school is over, (I started Mindsay in 8th grade) and not much has really changed. I read my last blog and the same things still apply. I still see undeseriving people happy with signifant others, blah blah blah, still single, blah blah.
I go to college now and you'd think it woudl be easy pickings to find someone. The truth is no one comes to college single, unless they're whores who sleep around, but other than that everyone is taken. This whole college busniess is bullshit, it is exactly like high school and it pisses me off because we had already been through all of this shit before.
Well I'm done bitching for now.
Well now that I have that to deal with theres even more. I have these dreams...well not even really dreams becuase ive had the same dream so many times i na row now it seems to be an absolute true to me now. In my dream all i do is float in endless darkness with little voices telling me things like "this what u have to look forward too" or "there is no one here your all alone". Im guessing the voice is my concience or perhaps God but i doubt it, God has never listened to me. I know what the dream finally means. I have to live my life alone. I've come to learn that sooner or later everyone i get close to will leave me. then it'll be just like im floating alone in the dark.
Another thing i have to deal with is that i have to see so many unworthy people be happy with someone else when they don't deserive it. they could be complet assholes and yet their happy with someone and seeing this always makes an ache in my heart becuase i know im a good person a deserive to have someone and not them. So then why do these people get to be so happy with someone and me alone? I wish i knew the answer myself....*sigh* If everything has to happen for a reason then why does this misory have to fall on me.it just makes me sick to see so many people that should have to suffer and don't for who they are and what kind of human being they are.
Taking hold
So numb
So cold
Taking hold
All the memories of my pain
You can’t hurt me now
Only the thoughts inside
Killing me, so close to dying!
You don’t even have to try
So numb
So cold
Taking hold
All the memories of my pain
Just don’t know any more
Can’t think
Can’t breath
My memories of you
My thoughts of all that you put me through
It’s too late, the damage is done
Waking up in a cold sweat
Drop to the ground
Out comes the blood
Pouring from all the thoughts
So numb
So cold
Taking hold
All the memories of my pain
For this is my fate
Through the eyes of the presences
Eyes a blazing red
Can’t think, can’t breath
Horrors ever running through my mind
No! Not like this!
Rising once again
I see you
Through the eyes
Of the presences that has
Haunted me for years
Once I was fearless
But now I only fear
Myself!
When I feel like this
I just feel so god damn ecstatic!
Don’t know if I like this feeling
If I want this!
Search my soul!
There’s only so much a man can take
Before he breaks!
Rising once again
I see you
Through the eyes
Of the presences that has
Haunted me for years
Rising once again
I see you
Through the eyes
Of the presences that has
Haunted me for years
Blood stained
Strangled!
Sucked the life from within her
Took her away form this world
Took her away from me!!
Missing memories of her
left to face this all alone
Wasn’t her that left
But you!
You are the one that killed her!
Nothing left
She only lives
She only lives in my memories!!
Strangled!
Sucked the life from within her
Took her away form this world
Took her away from me!! (x2)
You wash your skin in her blood
Thinking you could ever be her
But you
You killed her!!
Now you will die!
Die!!
Die!!!
Die!!!!
